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From very early in life, most girls have played house with their Barbie doll and Ken was not far out of sight in the big magical fairytale picture. Our daydreams mirrored this fairytale. Then we got to adolescence and started to read the romance novels in which people always lived happily ever after. At some point we got a few rude shocks possibly from one or two heartbreaks from a boyfriend in college. Now we are ready to get married and somehow that fairytale does not happen quite the way we imagined. Why is this? Because reality is different. We got through our twenties; then our thirties are ticking by...Tick tock tick tock...And no Prince Charming!

Here are a few principles that worked for me eventually that I can safely say you should try out if you are single, female, eligible and looking for true love and marriage:

ABOUT YOU:

1) Know who you are. Be clear on your identity. Be comfortable with you.
2) Do not play house before marriage. That includes doing all his chores for him etc. If he is already getting all the benefits, he may see no need to take the next step. Women are naturally nurturers but you are not his mother. You are also not his wife yet. There will be time enough for that later.
3) Be willing to change something about yourself; even if it is how you choose who to go into a relationship with. All the men cannot be wrong and if they are, your choices have been wrong then.
4) Be willing to wait for the right person. It is possible he has just not come along.
5) Do not turn a casual relationship into a serious one.
6) Be an individual and not a groupie.
7) Position yourself to attract the kind of man you would want to be with. Have a skill, dress appropriately and go to the right gatherings.
8) Do not have unrealistic expectations. Not everyone is going to marry an MBA player or millionaire businessman. If those happen, they are extras. Your criteria should be the things that matter. Look from inside out: Character, his heart, his soul, his willingness to work hard and make a living, spirituality, etc over looks, height, what he drives, where he lives, who his friends are etc.
9) Do not try to get him to marry you by getting pregnant for him!
10) Give yourself time to know the man before getting engaged and married. It has worked for some but it usually takes longer than a few months to really know people and get past where they still have their guards up.
11) Pay attention to how he treats the other women in his life-his mother, his sister(s), and his friends. What is his general attitude to women? How does he treat people generally? Does he have regard for the next person? If the only person he is nice to is you, it is only a matter of time before he starts to get mean toward you as well.
12) Set yourself up so that even though you are willing to be with someone, if it never happened, you would still have a fulfilled life and enjoy the love of family and friends. Do not just wait around for the man to show up and fix everything. He cannot complete you. You have to be complete and fulfilled in yourself already.
13) Join yourself to someone who has found himself and who has a purpose in life, a dream.
14) When the time comes, focus on the marriage and not the wedding ceremony. Focus on the rest of your life with this man above the few hours that is really for everybody else!
15) Let a responsible and worthy man be the man. We should coexist and not compete. We are different and have different roles. Men often like to be protectors and providers. Often, when a man feels trusted and respected, he lets down his guard and lets the woman take care of most issues. You nurture the family. He only steps in for the big issues. Everybody wins.

ABOUT HIM:

1) Men are mostly simple. If he is behaving badly, do not give excuses for him. He does not care enough and has no regard for you.
2) Do not ignore any red flags that come up while dating. Better to deal with it earlier than later.
3) Do perform a background check on your man. It is pretty easy to do now.
4) Do not ignore negative reports about him from people who have known him longer than you. Instead, investigate.
5) If he does not have a clue why his previous marriage or serious relationship failed, he may not be read for a new one.
6) Please do ask direct questions about sexual orientation.

ABOUT BOTH OF YOU:

1) Discuss kids. Understand that kids need both parents before you decide to bring kids into the world and that your resolve to stay together needs to be stronger once that child is born.
2) Cheating and domestic violence are a no no! They are never acceptable.
3) Do not be with a man who tries to belittle you or kill your spirit. Relationships are partnership. Some men appear to be helping or trying to improve you while in fact they are trying to change you into what they want and they want to control your every move. That is unhealthy. You do not own your partner.
4) Resolve money issues. Discuss whether you will continue to work after marriage and after kids. Do not assume you have the same ideas or that it will work itself out.
5) Hold on to your belief system. I can speak for mine. As a Christian, a successful relationship for me takes both parties having a strong relationship with God and often stepping back and asking myself, "What would Jesus do?"

I hope that at some point, we will start to have improved statistics on divorce, single parenthood and teenage pregnancies. I hope we will once more get back to the days where people got married and stayed married and happy; creating a stable, loving and nurturing environment for their kids. Remember, the kids are our future.

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